"Amy's Wank"
There was an old Doctor from Gallifrey…
Ahem.
There was an old show named Doctor Who on the BBC. It was watched by whole families and loved—it had witty dialogue, engaging stories and original aliens. And everyone was glad. But over time it deteriorated, and fell prey to repetitiveness and turning on itself, and fell in ratings, and was canceled.
Then there was a new show, under the same name. It was more of a reimagining than a straight continuation—a show that was noticeably different in tone, more self-aware, that just happened to be in continuity with the old one. As envisioned by head writer Russell T Davies, it challenged the implicit assumptions of the Doctor Who story framework, and grounded the Doctor and his adventures firmly in the real world, with real people, their real problems and real relatives. Admittedly there was a practical reason for this direction: it had to once again become a show for the general audience, rather than for the Doctor Who fandom.
Then Davies left, and there came a new head writer. In the past he wrote a few episodes for the new series that were near-universally pronounced “not bad at all”. So naturally the fandom regarded him as a savior. Unlike Davies the improviser, who wrote by gut instincts rather than careful planning, this new clever™ writer thought Doctor Who was supposed to be a fairy tale, and forgetting the principle of “don’t fix what isn’t broken”, retooled the show accordingly.
New Doctor Who: born March 26, 2005; died April 10, 2010.
I wrote the date for “The Beast Below”, but I actually kept watching after that, hoping it would improve. But that spirit of verisimilute from the Davies era, retained in the season opener, was irrevocably gone from the second episode and beyond. Later findings confirmed that this was all part of Steven Moffat’s deliberate, conscious Fairy Tale Vision. But wait. This is a show about a time-traveling alien who visits, like, alien worlds and such. If I was interested in fairy tales, I would be watching something completely different from Doctor Who. Maybe, I don’t know, The Little Mermaid or Cinderella.
In this New and Improved™ season, the RTD-bashing fans got exactly what they wanted: a head writer who knows what he’s doing. But if you ask me, the fact that he’s consciously taking the show in this direction is even worse.
The logical result is the kind of episode we got last Saturday: a misplaced Mr. Mxyzptlk shows up in the TARDIS to pull the heroes into a mind-screwy Cuckoo’s Nest “emotional” episode that evidently tries to be this season’s “Father’s Day”. Except “Father’s Day” made me feel sad for Rose (Me! Sad! For Rose of all people!), and I found it genuinely moving. Here, on the other hand, the only reaction this episode managed to evoke was wishing Amy would actually die in a van crash. She doesn’t, of course. The trio wakes up to discover that it was all a dream, even the supposedly “real” world. Congratulations, Simon Nye, you have managed to write the first ever episode in the new series where there were never any genuine threat at all.
A viewer like 7-year-old Amelia Pond would perhaps appreciate this episode, probably find it funny because the Nasty Grimacing Man is the kind of villain that kids find funny, or because the Doctor was preparing to catch Amy’s baby by holding his hands under her crotch. Sorry, but to make me take what’s happening on screen at least half-seriously, you need to do better.
This new season has become all style and no substance. The new TARDIS design, a steampunk retro glorified child’s bedroom with flashing bulbs (as opposed to the RTD-era alien look). The characters, also tuned up for kids instead of, I don’t know, ticking every age category and giving everyone someone to identify with (think of Martha, Jackie, Donna, and Wilf). And not even the supporting ones, although huggy-happy-go-round Winston Churchill could as well be drawing his battle plans in pink crayons for all the historical authenticity we got. The main cast are big offenders. Comparing their motivations with the RTD era makes me simply weep.
The Eleventh Doctor acts wacky and buffoonish because that’s what the Doctor is supposed to do. Amy follows him around and gets into trouble because that’s what the companion is supposed to do. Rory complains, quite rightfully, that she doesn’t look all too faithful to her groom, and her response is… to grin like an idiot after he crumbles to dust in front of her eyes in the dream world, firmly believing that he’s in no danger because her magic wizard in his magic phone box is around. Aaaargh. I’d strangle her, but when she displays all the personality of cardboard with bits of Rose 2.0 randomly thrown in, what’s the bloody point? To say this characterization is as deep as a puddle would be an insult to puddles.
As Alice summed it up, “nothing after 501 feels real”. Unlike the RTD series, starting at “The Beast Below”, at no point do I feel like I’m watching real events involving real people. But rather, toys (action figures?) being moved around a playground.
Next up: something or other with reptilians from 26 years ago. Meh. I’m done with Moffat and his fairy tales. I’ll return for the season finale, though, because it has River Song in it. You can’t go wrong with River Song. She’d make even “Love & Monsters” watchable. Other than that, I’m out.
I think I’ve seen that episode!