Alea Jacta Est
I guess I’ve burned bridges now, by uploading all this stuff to Ubuntu Jaunty under the Maia identity, and those are just the first few—upstream updates before the feature freeze. This is a point of no return.
I actually added the identity to my GPG key sometime before—in December, I think—but never dared to use it until now, although I had two packages for Debian prepared. There is one feeling that was common to that step—that is, of modifying the key—to the current upload, and to other moments where I was overcoming my mental restraints.
On one hand, it’s breathtaking, as is everything that brings me even a small step closer to my dream. On the other hand, while I’ve grown attached to the name Maia by itself (I whisper it to myself sometimes, or imagine people calling me by it—and on the Internet, some have already done so, to my heartwarming joy)... seeing it next to the feminine version of my legal last name is a different issue entirely—and I still wonder, as I’m writing this, whether or not that went too far.
When I first looked at that combination (mind you, I’ve mentally pronounced it quite a lot), I got a distinct urge to detach myself from that debian/changelog entry. My mind, at first, refused to accept signing my changelogs with that and wanted to pretend it was written by someone else. (My non-existent twin sister?)
Just like with shaving and crossdressing before, there was a part of me that practically screamed, “What the heck are you doing? There’s no way you’re going to do that, because it’s wrong! Wrong!” Apparently it only occurs with situations that have tangible real-life effects. Making confessions on the Internet, even to people I know in real life, doesn’t count as a tangible real-life effect to my internal critic, but a public project of Ubuntu’s scale is a different thing entirely. So are confessions in person, as opposed to a medium in which you can’t see one’s face; so far, I have never dared, even to my closest friends.
I don’t dare to use that name for Launchpad, or (PTB forbid!) Planet Ubuntu. Yet. It may change. I’ve always tried to show moderation and not burn too many bridges in one go.
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